Remember back when you were just a wee little lad; when you had no responsibilities and the three things on your todo list for the day were: find worms, eat worms, and play with Steve from across the street?...(read more)
Look at the picture above you. Look at that beautiful glistening bacon grease. Look at that chewy rubbery bacon fat. Look at that crispity crisp bacon edge. If this doesn’t make your mouth water, then you might as well become a...(read more)
Every passing day brings us closer and closer to the 2012 Apocalypse as predicted by the Mayan who carved ‘December 21st, 2012′ and then quit his job because he was sick of it and wanted to be a DJ....(read more)
I made too much spaghetti and now have to look at the wet, flippy floppy, limp, left-over spaghetti I can't eat. Gross!
Never make the wrong amount of spaghetti or noodly doodly base dish with this cool spaghetti measuring tool. It has slots for different portions (adult male, female, child, and HORSE!) so you'll know how much spaghetti a real person can eat. I personally enjoy just the horse's head portion.
from reykjavik store
I uh spilled coffee on my pants and have to walk around all day with a stain.
Let's not lie. You crapped your pants and half the day has gone by with people giving you dirty looks. Your underwear has crusted over and the grease from the bacon in your pockets has been dripping down your leg and into your shoe the entire day. It's time to clean up for god's sake. Good thing you have Emergency Underpants.
from Amazon.com
My pockets get greasy because I keep strips of bacon in them for when I get a craving.
We're not saying you shouldn't keep bacon in your pockets, but if you're craving bacon all day long, why not try bacon toothpaste? Yes it does exist, no you're not dreaming. Recommended use of Bacon Flavored Toothpaste is to rub it all over your teeth and gums. If you're feeling frisky, try Cupcake Favored Toothpaste.
I think I have mild OCD and everything has to be in line or else I get a little murder-y.
OCD the new asperger's didn't you know? It's the new trendy disorder to have. Better jump on the bandwagon before all those hipster kids make it uncool again. You can start off with this OCD Cutting Board.draoB gnittuC DCO siht htiw ffo trats nac uoY 123 123 123 knock knock knock
I have to carry my lunchbox separately because I fill my workbag with stolen office items everyday.
You say, "Why don't you just put that stapler INSIDE the lunch box and the lunch box inside your bag?" And we say, "Why don't you shutup? The amount of space saved is equal to 593% in gross product dollars of stolen revenue items." The Pack-Away Lunchbox flattens for easier storage giving you more space for stolen goods.
from Firebox
My steamer basket doesn't fit in my new pot :(
We aren't living in the stone-age anymore my friend. It's time to modernize and get a steamer basket that fits in any sized pot. The Lotus Steamer Basket is a seriously cool design that saves storage space and has adjustable sides to fit most pans. There's also a finger guard that protects your fingers from scalding when lifting it out of the pot.
from Joseph Joseph
I can't decide between making apple pie or lemon meringue pie.
After finding this site, you are a professional first world liver. What you want, you get. And if that want is two pies, then doggone it, you gonna get it. This pan has a split in the middle so you can make two different pies at once. What more can I say? Get it now!
I lost my bottle opener and can't open my bottle and my hand hurts if I do it by hand.
Since you now have the Fridge Monkey, you need something open all those pretty bottles, right? Forget clunky bottle openers that get lost in the drawer void. This magnet just upgraded your fridge with the "Open Bottle" ability. Fridge, I choose you!
from Charles&Marie
I forgot to bring my adapter so I can't charge my iPad.
Forget about any Apple adapter and forget about adapters that charge through USB. Just have a bunch of these Belkin 6 Outlet Surge Protector with USBs around the home and office and never have to look for those silly adapters again. It comes with 6 outlets and 2 convenient USB ports at the top.
I have no more room in my fridge for bottles and/or they keep rolling around. How am I suppose to be as cool as Mr. Chi City with this travesty?
The Fridge Monkey is a very simple solution to a great problem. The picture is self explanatory as to how it works. Things we think can be stacked on the monkey: breadsticks, churros, freeze-pops, those old school plastic kool-aid bottles.
I gag whenever I eat a sandwich. The crust is literally the most disgusting thing in the world.
I feel your pain and so do many other people. Praise the lord for Wonder's Sandwich Sealer and Decruster for it banishes the evil crust from this world and protects the sandwich in an impenetrable seal. Begone crusts! You aren't allowed here!
The ice melts too fast when I drink whiskey on the rocks, leaving me with watery whiskey.
You're already better than your friends because you drink whiskey and they drink Mike's Hard Lemonade. Now drink whiskey like a boss in front of them with this special glass. It's shaped to let the ball of ice (mold included) roll around the glass, chilling your drink faster with slower melting ice.
from Home Wet Bar
I'm craving some bacon but I'm too lazy to get off my ass to make some.
Whoa whoa whoa, stop right there. Don't waste energy. Have this bacon frosting! Just tilt your head back and squeeze it all into your mouth, big boy. Delicious isn't it? Use it as body soap and lotion as well and smell of bacon all day. Getting hungry? Give your skin a lick to tide you over 'till you can get back to your BACON FROSTING.
I got too drunk because I didn't have a wine glass and used a pitcher instead.
This fun glass is printed with measurements for various alcoholic drinks. Want beer? Just fill it up to one of the marks for "beer" and remind yourself not to get so drunk you make out with your pet hamster.
from ThinkGeek
The salsa keeps falling off the chip and I can't get a perfect salsa to chip ratio.
The edges of this bowl is curved inwards so that when you scoop up a chunk of salsa, it pushes it back onto your chip. No more messes, no more drips, and no more uneven chip to salsa ratios. Holds up to 16oz and is available in 3 colors.
from UncommonGoods
I don't drink tea because it takes too much time to prepare. People think I'm unsophisticated.
The Tipping Tea Cup is a seriously cool item. You stick your loose tea leaves (tea bags also work) into the small compartment, then pour water through it and tip the cup onto its other side and the tea will seep through the filter. Pip pip cheerio, time to enjoy some delicious tea.
I bought too much groceries and have to make another trip back to the car.
The consecutive trips back to the car has been man's nemesis since the dawn of humankind. Many men have fallen trying to carry all the bags at once. It's time to rise up against this great evil and buy the Bag Mate Handle Carrier. If you're strong enough, it holds up to 70lbs and you will never make a second trip to the car again.
I need to shower but I'm drinking beer. And I can't drink beer in the shower, so I'm not going to shower.
It's 2012, we should be allowed to drink and shower at the same time!!! VOTE RON PAUL!!! Oh wait, you can? The Tub Mug lets you drink your beverage of choice while washing your sweaty armpits. Then you can go brag to your friends about what you just did, you wild man.
from Tub Mug
I'm too lazy to untie my shoes so I just smash my feet in like a savage.
Why we don't have automatically tying shoelaces is beyond me. But, in the meantime just use a shoe horn. Stick this thing in the back of your shoe and easily slide your feet in. No more damaged backsides or tying shoelaces. For those too lazy to even bend over: a super long shoe horn.
I'm sick of bad tasting food. Why can't everything taste like bacon?
You really have to try this. These tablets are made from "miracle fruit," native to West Africa. When taken, they modify your taste buds so beer tastes like chocolate and sour things taste sweet. They're perfectly safe. Now, you can start having your own "Flavor Tripping" parties. It doesn't get any more "first world" than that.
I'm late for a full day of classes and forgot to brew a new pot of coffee. FML
These days, we want everything better, faster, stronger, smarter. Well, the AeroPress Coffee will punch you in the face with burning hot coffee if you let it. But really, it just makes really good coffee and espressos really really fast. How fast? How about 1 minute for delicious fresh coffee? Fast enough for ya?
My bed is so comfortable with all the crap this site has convinced me buy, it's now even harder to wake up in the morning.
Everyone has an alarm clock. How about one that makes you do math problems to shut it off? SCREW THAT. I'm not doing math. How about an alarm clock that knows your sleep patterns and wakes you in your lightest sleep phase? WHOA! This App for iOS devices does just that.
from iTunes App Store
The entire office now knows I like Justin Beiber because YouTube keeps freakin' autoplaying videos!!!
Add one more item to the list that helps you procrastinate in secrecy. Stop Autoplay for Youtube is a Chrome browser plug-in that does just that, while allowing the video to buffer. For Firefox users. For IE users, get Google Chrome.
from Chrome Web Store
I'm going to be sluggish all day because I forgot to bring my mug to work. But I have all these canning jars laying around...
Watch out MacGyver, you're about to transform that canning jar into a portable mug! Cappow is a creative invention that lets you attach a lid to that jar you have for easy spill-free drinking. Now all you have to do is make up a reason as to why you're drinking out of a jar!
from Cuppow
My coffee is cold but I'm too lazy to leave my desk to reheat it.
Mr. Coffee's Mug Warmer keeps your cup of joe hot right there on your desk. Its heating pad has a large surface area so it accommodates many different cup sizes and has a convenient on/off switch so you don't set your office on fire, Milton. For a USB version, check this out.
Sometimes I want to escape my first world life and pretend I can survive in the wilderness if the economy collapses. But really, I wouldn't last a day.
This might save your life when you're out there pretending to be one with nature. This little tool is about the size of a credit card and easily fits in your wallet. It has 11 useful functions like the saw blade for when you're being attacked by a bear.
Why are the plugs for my cell phone and laptop so big? I can only charge one thing at once.
If you're looking for a simpler solution than the Pivot Power Outlet, check out this 360 Rotating Outlet. Just plug your device in and rotate it in any direction you want, allowing space for another one of those giant plugs to fit.
The neighbor's wife is hot, but I don't want to look like a perv and get caught staring at her sunbathing in her backyard.
Man's best friend is here to save the day again! While the cute little Dog Peek is designed to let your dog check out what's going on on the other side of the fence, we can think of a few other uses...just kidding. *First world living does not condone immoral uses of this product*
from Opulent Items
The gap between my seat and console is like a black hole. I keep losing my change and can't fit my hand through to retrieve it.
The Drop Stop is an incredibly simple invention to stop just that; things falling through that gap between the seat and console. It fits snuggly into the gap with a space for the seatbelt buckle and allows seat adjustments without disturbance. (Warning: Link has Autoplay YouTube video)
from Buy Drop Stop
I love strawberries but it always takes so long to remove the leaves and hull.
Like the Corn Stripper, OXO brings another inventive time saving device into the kitchen. The Strawberry Huller removes all the unwanted parts in one fell swoop. No more messing with dangerous knives and eating around the stem!
I hate having to go buy my girlfriend...ah screw it, just read the solution...
For the ladies, and the fellas who are into weird shit, but mostly just for the ladies: The DivaCup, a menstrual alternative, ends hassles with unreliable disposable tampons and sanitary pads in endless absorbencies, shapes and styles. /copy&paste. From what I've heard, it's a real first world solution and worth looking into.
I like to stay up late and play Skyrim. But, the light from my 32inch monitor is too bright and hurts my eyes.
f.lux is a free program that automatically adjusts the color of your computer's display to match the time of day and the lighting in your room. Just set your time zone and lighting specifications and f.lux will automatically transition your monitor to a color much more easy on the eyes.
from f.lux
Why is it so hard to slice a bagel and even harder to slice it evenly? SERIOUSLY, WHY???
The Bagel Guillotine is as awesome as it sounds. Just put your bagel into the slot and push down on the blade to cut that sonovabitch into a perfectly sliced bagel. Saving time and blood loss, the Bagel Guillotine is easy to use and dishwasher safe.
I have to take my gloves off every time I want to text my husband to meet me at the top of the ski lift. It's such a hassle.
These conductive pins attach to gloves you already own allowing you to use touchscreen devices like your iPhone. No more using your nose because you're too lazy to take your gloves off! They come in packs of four, enough for your texting digits and some to spare.
from Quirky
Tiny cuts I get from shaving is literally the worst pain I've felt ever in my life!
You may have never heard of this before but it may potentially save you from death from blood loss. Styptic Pencils stops bleeding from the seemingly unstoppable waterfall of blood caused by nicks and cuts from shaving. As it's applied, it moisturizes and prevents all the bad stuff from penetrating.
I got sunburned at the beach in Cancun, Mexico and can't reach to rub the soothing lotion onto my tender back.
Aquasentials sells a simple lotion applicator just for hard to reach places like your back. Just apply lotion and use this to spread onto your skin. Simply wash it with soap and hang it up to dry after you're done with it.
I want to start a DIY project that requires some construction. But, I'm afraid of hitting my fingers with the hammer so forget it!
Wait right there buddy. Who says you need to put your fingers in jeopardy when you can just use this Magnetic Nail Setter. Be afraid of the hammer no more my friend. The powerful magnet holds the nail in place while you hammer away.
I hurt my wrist in a skiing accident in Aspen last year. Now, it hurts when I try to open jars. But really, I just don't have the strength.
Who needs healthy wrists or muscles when you have the EZ Off Jar Opener? It opens any type of jars easily with its non-slip jar opening mechanism. It also hides nicely under your cabinet so your friends won't make fun of you.
from Amazon
I have no space to put my Starbucks venti triple-shot double mocha choco latte frappuccino, iPhone, prescription moisturizing lotion, and other stuff I don't need in my tiny Mini Cooper S. Everything is so cluttered!
Travelstacks fits right into one of your cup holders and gives you the extra storage space that you *cough* need *cough*. It can rotate 360 degrees so it doesn't block other valuable areas.
I love delicious buttery freshly steamed corn but hate the mess it makes when I use my hands. Yucky!
This item does exactly as it's named. It strips the corn right off the cob and gets the messiness out of the way so you can eat in peace. It's easy to use and dishwasher safe. The blades are made from stainless steel too!
I keep spilling my mixes all over the marble counter-top and it's a hassle to clean up!
The Slip-On Pour Spout from RSVP is a flexible silicone spout that easily attaches onto your mixing bowls, pots, pans, and more. Get controlled and accurate pours and no more messy spills. It's also dishwasher safe and heat-resistant up to 480 degrees.
I'm making Japanese Yosenabe and gosh darn it, I burned my hands again handling the pot. Now how am I going to play golf tomorrow?
Trudeau saves the day again with their Silicone Pinch Grips. These silicone grips will protect your precious little thumbs and fingers from heat up to 482 degrees F.
I keep dripping my expensive homemade shark fin soup on the stovetop and it's so hard to clean between the grills and stuff.
First, you shouldn't be having shark fin soup you heartless bastard. But, for all other stove-related activities, the Trudeau Utensil Pot Clip prevents drips, misplacement, saves space, and much more. Heat-resistant up to 600F and dishwasher safe! BOO shark fin soup, GO pot clip!
I always have to buy new bags of chips to munch on when I watch shows on my 72" HD 3D TV because the bag from yesterday is all stale! Yuck!
Worry no more! The Copco Bag Cap will keep your silly chips fresh and crunchy until you finish them. The cap will also work for anything contained in a bag!
