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the problem:

I used a new bottle of $600 bottle of cologne, but didn't get any compliments.

the solution:

Sex Panther Cologne, son. We're lucky enough to live in an age where we can buy fake products in movies we've paid to watch! Consumerism at its finest! Apply it to any exposed skin and pour a generous amount down the front of pants. Then scream "60% of the time, it works every time," so we all know you've seen the movie.

Sex Panther Cologne

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Sex Panther Cologne


Sex Panther Cologne is the most awesome cologne ever made in the history of the entire world. Scientifically engineered from space age petroleum distillates and animal byproducts. 60% of the time, it works every time. Unleash your inner animal! Sex Panther cologne lures you in with clean and refreshing top notes of fresh air accord and juniper while the heart of the fragrance centers around lavender and sensual musks. As the fragrance evolves it turns warmer as it envelopes you with masculine notes of cedar and sandalwood.