Remember back when you were just a wee little lad; when you had no responsibilities and the three things on your todo list for the day were: find worms, eat worms, and play with Steve from across the street?...(read more)
Look at the picture above you. Look at that beautiful glistening bacon grease. Look at that chewy rubbery bacon fat. Look at that crispity crisp bacon edge. If this doesn’t make your mouth water, then you might as well become a...(read more)
Every passing day brings us closer and closer to the 2012 Apocalypse as predicted by the Mayan who carved ‘December 21st, 2012′ and then quit his job because he was sick of it and wanted to be a DJ....(read more)
Things for lazy people, making them even lazier. For the love of god you’re lazy.
I ran out of blades so I had to use a rusty old one which gave me tetanus. I never got a tetanus vaccine because I don't have health insurance and can't get it treated because it'll cost too much. Now I'm going to die.
Sometimes it just doesn't feel like we live in a first world country! Fortunately, all that misfortune could have been avoided by joining the dollar shave club. Watch this video for details.
from Dollar Shave Club
They say fresh juice is healthier than store-bought, but I'm too lazy to do it.
Straight from the land of innovation, Gurefuru Chuchu acts as a super simple to use juicer while being super cute at the same time. Just cut a hole, stick Gurefuru Chuchu in, turn the handle around a bit, and bam - fresh juice. If you're still not convinced you need this, then I dare you to not watch this video.
from Japan Trend Shop
I've finished my bottle of beer and there's 10 more minutes until the next commercial break.
Sure you could buy a mini-fridge and place it next to the couch, but that's crude and bad fing shu (it's the new fung shui). Man Tables, as they're called, disguise a refrigerating unit in a high quality crafted table. It comes in three different finishes and we think they're great for you fine ladies too.
from Man Tables
I drank too much juice before bed and had to wake up in the middle of the night to go potty.
Okay, before you think I'm totally insane, hear me out first. Do you enjoy getting up at 3:00 AM to pee? No? Wouldn't you rather just pee in the bed? Yes? Then I present to you the bedside urinal system. Logic and First World Living prevails once again.
from Amazon.com
Mob Wives has come on. I can't find the remote and I'm too lazy to get up to change the channel. I've sat through 6 episodes so far...
Most of the time we don't know where the remote is, but when was the last time you lost a big brown pillow? The obvious next step in this evolutionary process is to combine the two. This pillow remote control is the result of decades of pillow-remote mating and ain't it beautiful sight.
I like to do as many things possible laying down on my sofa or bed. I can watch TV and eat, but I have to get up to use the computer.
Spend more time in bed with this portable laptop bed tray. It's adjustable to a complete 360 degrees to fit to any body position you're in. We imagine iPads, tablets, food and drinks could also be placed on this so that's a big bonus!
My laziness overpowers my craving for bacon.
We've all had those midnight bacon cravings but were too lazy to satiate it. Eating bacon raw just doesn't have the same gusto. Microwaving bacon at the office leaves them too oily for when you stuff them in your pocket for later. Do you also have all these problems? The lifesaving Microwave Bacon Cooker cooks 10 strips at a time and lets the fat drip down as it cooks.
My balls itch, but I'm in a 2 hour meeting.
Maybe this is one area where it's better to be in the 3rd world, where guys probably scratch their itchy balls whenever they freakin' like. Living in an uptight first world mean we must scratch our balls with this silver plated ballscratcher which I would have mistaken for a spoon if it didn't say "Ballscratcher" on the box. Scratch balls discretely, yours or another's, with this.
I fell asleep in Chem class. Now my neck hurts.
Show your professor his class is boring by strapping on the Arm Pillo. Stick it to the airline and show them that they can't keep you awake with their tortuous seats by strapping on the Arm Pillo and punching the CEO in the face. Let your friend know her car conversations are boring by strapping on the Arm Pillo to the seat belt and falling asleep. Am I missing anything?
The last few gulps of my coffee are always stronger and sweeter than the rest of the coffee.
We've gone and come back from the moon, built the Large Hadron Collider, gave Glenn Beck his own show, we shouldn't have to stir our own drinks like some sort of criminal. This self-stirring mug makes sure your beverage is always mixed thoroughly with a touch of a button. It comes with a 4000RMP motor and splash-proof lid!
I wish I could go to work in my pajamas.
This has been the dream of men around the world. To get out of bed and go straight to work without changing pants, and to lounge around work in enviable comfortableness while making fun of Steve in his wool suit. The geniuses at Betabrand have started a new fashion revolution with these, and hell they look better than my real dress pants.
from Betabrand
I ate a huge dinner and now I'm too sleepy to walk my dog.
See, what you do is get one of these Fit Fur Life Treadmills, put it in front of your 90inch LCD TV, turn on the nature channel, put your dog on the treadmill, and crank it up to a nice jogging pace. Your pet won't know the difference and will have the time of its life while you lay down and become one with the sofa.
from Fit Fur Life
I lost my bottle opener and can't open my bottle and my hand hurts if I do it by hand.
Since you now have the Fridge Monkey, you need something open all those pretty bottles, right? Forget clunky bottle openers that get lost in the drawer void. This magnet just upgraded your fridge with the "Open Bottle" ability. Fridge, I choose you!
from Charles&Marie
I gag whenever I eat a sandwich. The crust is literally the most disgusting thing in the world.
I feel your pain and so do many other people. Praise the lord for Wonder's Sandwich Sealer and Decruster for it banishes the evil crust from this world and protects the sandwich in an impenetrable seal. Begone crusts! You aren't allowed here!
I'm laying down on the couch and can't reach the shrimp cocktail so I have to sit up.
With the Sofa Hanger and this Magnussen Wood Lift Top Table, you'll probably never have to move from the couch again. The top lifts up and comes to you instead of you having to bend across to reach something. Almost like having a robot servant table!
I'm craving some bacon but I'm too lazy to get off my ass to make some.
Whoa whoa whoa, stop right there. Don't waste energy. Have this bacon frosting! Just tilt your head back and squeeze it all into your mouth, big boy. Delicious isn't it? Use it as body soap and lotion as well and smell of bacon all day. Getting hungry? Give your skin a lick to tide you over 'till you can get back to your BACON FROSTING.
I bought too much groceries and have to make another trip back to the car.
The consecutive trips back to the car has been man's nemesis since the dawn of humankind. Many men have fallen trying to carry all the bags at once. It's time to rise up against this great evil and buy the Bag Mate Handle Carrier. If you're strong enough, it holds up to 70lbs and you will never make a second trip to the car again.
I need to shower but I'm drinking beer. And I can't drink beer in the shower, so I'm not going to shower.
It's 2012, we should be allowed to drink and shower at the same time!!! VOTE RON PAUL!!! Oh wait, you can? The Tub Mug lets you drink your beverage of choice while washing your sweaty armpits. Then you can go brag to your friends about what you just did, you wild man.
from Tub Mug
I'm too lazy to untie my shoes so I just smash my feet in like a savage.
Why we don't have automatically tying shoelaces is beyond me. But, in the meantime just use a shoe horn. Stick this thing in the back of your shoe and easily slide your feet in. No more damaged backsides or tying shoelaces. For those too lazy to even bend over: a super long shoe horn.
My bed is so comfortable with all the crap this site has convinced me buy, it's now even harder to wake up in the morning.
Everyone has an alarm clock. How about one that makes you do math problems to shut it off? SCREW THAT. I'm not doing math. How about an alarm clock that knows your sleep patterns and wakes you in your lightest sleep phase? WHOA! This App for iOS devices does just that.
from iTunes App Store
I'm going to be sluggish all day because I forgot to bring my mug to work. But I have all these canning jars laying around...
Watch out MacGyver, you're about to transform that canning jar into a portable mug! Cappow is a creative invention that lets you attach a lid to that jar you have for easy spill-free drinking. Now all you have to do is make up a reason as to why you're drinking out of a jar!
from Cuppow
My coffee is cold but I'm too lazy to leave my desk to reheat it.
Mr. Coffee's Mug Warmer keeps your cup of joe hot right there on your desk. Its heating pad has a large surface area so it accommodates many different cup sizes and has a convenient on/off switch so you don't set your office on fire, Milton. For a USB version, check this out.
I wanted a dog so my mom bought me one. Now she expects me to take care of him. What is she? Crazy? I'm busy doing raids, I don't have time for that!
Don't make me slap you, but for the sake of the dog, this automatically refilling water bowl will make sure your pet will never run out of water. Just attach your garden hose to the bowl and it will refill it with water when it gets low.
The gap between my seat and console is like a black hole. I keep losing my change and can't fit my hand through to retrieve it.
The Drop Stop is an incredibly simple invention to stop just that; things falling through that gap between the seat and console. It fits snuggly into the gap with a space for the seatbelt buckle and allows seat adjustments without disturbance. (Warning: Link has Autoplay YouTube video)
from Buy Drop Stop
I love strawberries but it always takes so long to remove the leaves and hull.
Like the Corn Stripper, OXO brings another inventive time saving device into the kitchen. The Strawberry Huller removes all the unwanted parts in one fell swoop. No more messing with dangerous knives and eating around the stem!
Why is it so hard to slice a bagel and even harder to slice it evenly? SERIOUSLY, WHY???
The Bagel Guillotine is as awesome as it sounds. Just put your bagel into the slot and push down on the blade to cut that sonovabitch into a perfectly sliced bagel. Saving time and blood loss, the Bagel Guillotine is easy to use and dishwasher safe.
I have to take my gloves off every time I want to text my husband to meet me at the top of the ski lift. It's such a hassle.
These conductive pins attach to gloves you already own allowing you to use touchscreen devices like your iPhone. No more using your nose because you're too lazy to take your gloves off! They come in packs of four, enough for your texting digits and some to spare.
from Quirky
While I can use the Heated Mattress Pad during the Winter, sleeping ends up uncomfortably hot and sticky during Summer.
This super quiet fan blows cool air between the top and bottom sheets, instantly cooling your whiny face down...and your body too. It comes with a small remote that adjusts the fan's speed.
It's like a war-zone when I have to take a dump on protein shake day. I wipe and wipe but it just doesn't stop.
It's the 21st century. There's no reason our hands have to be that close to that amount of ****. Astor's non-electric water spraying attachable bidet is a must have. A refreshing spray leaves you using less toilet paper and a kissable...never mind. Or for Japanese authenticity.
I got sunburned at the beach in Cancun, Mexico and can't reach to rub the soothing lotion onto my tender back.
Aquasentials sells a simple lotion applicator just for hard to reach places like your back. Just apply lotion and use this to spread onto your skin. Simply wash it with soap and hang it up to dry after you're done with it.
I spend all this time cutting up my vegetables but getting them all into the pot is the hardest part.
The Encanal Carving Board makes the hardest part the easiest. After chopping up all your goodies, just guide them through the channel and into your pot, frying pan, container, or whatever they belong in. No more messes or wasted food!
from Amore De Madre
Turning on the light when I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night hurts my eyes. It's so annoying.
Looks like its a big enough problem to warrant a solution. BrightFeet lighted slippers are slippers that have a LED light built into the front of them. It's weight and light sensored so it only lights up when you need them to. Only light up what you need to see and save your eyes some trouble!
from BrightFeet
I love delicious buttery freshly steamed corn but hate the mess it makes when I use my hands. Yucky!
This item does exactly as it's named. It strips the corn right off the cob and gets the messiness out of the way so you can eat in peace. It's easy to use and dishwasher safe. The blades are made from stainless steel too!
I have to reach all the way to the table to grab my cup of Panda Poop Tea and sometimes I spill it onto my clothes.
Check this out. Hangs right onto the arm of your sofa so everything is in reach. Your Panda Poop Tea, magazines, newspapers, put your TV remote on the side and never have to look for it again.
from Vanpey
I went to the club and didn't get someone to come home with me. I'm so lonely, no one likes me and I just want to cuddle.
Well now here's a huge pillow shaped like a freakin' U for you to cuddle and hug and kiss...wait what? Potentially the best thing since the flesh*****(your secret is safe) for forever aloners and I guess it's pretty good for pregnant ladies too.
