Remember back when you were just a wee little lad; when you had no responsibilities and the three things on your todo list for the day were: find worms, eat worms, and play with Steve from across the street?...(read more)
Look at the picture above you. Look at that beautiful glistening bacon grease. Look at that chewy rubbery bacon fat. Look at that crispity crisp bacon edge. If this doesn’t make your mouth water, then you might as well become a...(read more)
Every passing day brings us closer and closer to the 2012 Apocalypse as predicted by the Mayan who carved ‘December 21st, 2012′ and then quit his job because he was sick of it and wanted to be a DJ....(read more)
Minimize movement, maximize comfort around the home. Items for your home that you really really need.
Even though I can send out tweets and surf the internet with my fridge, it's still the plainest looking thing in my kitchen!
Fridge technology has advanced throughout the years, but the plain old white or gray design has continued to haunt our kitchens! Kudu Fridge Magnets are here to change that! These aren't your mother's magnets, they're giant ones that cover your entire fridge.
from Kudu Magnets
I'm so ridiculously fabulous that my poor friends and family want to be around me all the time.
Not everyone can be as awesome as you. Less fortunate friends obviously want to be close to you to feel better about themselves and have a sense of belonging. Tell your clingy friends, "Hey I know I'm pretty amazing, but I can't have you over all the time..." with this "oh Shit Not You Again" doormat.
My neck's sore from watching my 50 inch LCD in bed.
As if your 1000 thread Egyptian sheets on your king sized tempurpedic bed wasn't comfortable enough, this Massaging Bed Rest pretty much turns your bed into a comfortable lounge. Eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner in bed while watching Toddlers and Tiaras and wondering what's wrong with the world. How ironic!
I've been watching reruns of Pimp My Ride and now want something inside the same larger thing.
How about a tiny house inside your house? The guys at Tumbleweed Tiny House Company sell ready made, kits, or plans of houses small enough that you don't need a permit to build. Use it as your bedroom or mancave or secret hideout in the woods where you kidnap and murder people or whatever.
The fluorescent lights didn't set the right mood when my sexy date came back to my place.
If the 15,999,999 color ambiance lamp didn't have enough colors for you, you're in luck because we just found one with 16,000,000 colors! A color for any occasion or a spontaneous dance party while you pretend you're a light DJ using its remote control. It can even cycle through colors for a cool light show.
So apparently green rug and brown walls with movie posters taped up with scotch tape makes people puke as they enter my home.
You've made a huge mistake so next time just go with a prefabricated and furnished home by Ideabox and IKEA. Doesn't everyone think everything in IKEA would look good in their own home anyways? Might as well just have them furnish it.
The coffee was too hot and I burned my tongue. Now I can't eat or drink anything warm without excruciating pain.
We've all had this happen before. Sipping scalding hot lava coffee and having the fires of hell blast down on your tongue and roof of your mouth. It's surprising that a temperature checking apparatus is not built in with every mug, we're living in the first world for god's sake!
My maid refuses the pick up the peanut shells I throw on the floor because the trash can is too far away.
Instead of getting a new maid, try using this double dish by kitchen innovator, Joseph Joseph. The top dish is removable and when sitting on top of the bottom dish, provides three openings that hides shells or pits. Or you can use both as separate bowls and just eat more peanuts.
I knocked my drink over my keyboard...AGAIN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!
Who seriously has never knocked over a drink and ruined important documents and expensive keyboards? It's happened to my countless times and now the syrup from that coke makes my 'S' key ssssssssstick. Keep the cup off the desk and safe from spills while creating more desk space with this handy Table Cup Holder Clip.
The ice cubes in my whiskey melted too quickly and now I have to drink watered down whiskey...bleh!
If you enjoy a little somethin' somethin' after a long day, check this out. They chill your favorite drink and bring out its flavor without watering it down. Pop in a few and after 5 minutes, enjoy your perfectly chilled whiskey. And after a few glasses, deal with family problems!
I cut my finger on the hard, sharp base trying to get out the last drop of toothpaste.
The rich don't stay rich by wasting. This includes toothpaste and other things that come in tubes, like bacon frosting. Squeezeit is a simple little thing that keeps your tubes nice and neat while squeezing out every last drop. We suppose you'll get your money's worth after only 4 or so years!
My shower temperature dials are so sensitive, it takes 5 minutes to get it just right.
Studies have shown that it takes a rocket scientist to calibrate dial temperatures correctly on the first try. That's why the government invested billions into the Temji. Invented by the same guy who invented the space shuttle (I think), Temji attaches onto your tap handles so you can dial in on the perfect temp every time.
There's no more clean cups so I have to drink water with my hands like some Victorian beggar.
Get rid of that nasty cup you use to rinse out your mouth after brushing. It sits in the bathroom all day collecting microscopic doo doo particles. But, have a little more respect for yourself and don't take water from your hand like some uneducated monster. Tapi fits onto any tap. Squeeze the bottom and it becomes a fountain.
My mom blames the electricity bill increase on my second iPad and PS Vita.
Did you know that leaving electronic devices plugged in, but not in use, still draws power? Belkin's Conserve Socket solves this problem by allowing you to set a timer that automatically shuts off the power to save energy. It's also great for things like curling irons and heaters so you'll never have to worry about leaving them on.
I share a bathroom with roomates and have no room to keep my prescription shampoo and body wash in the tub.
I too had an argument with roomates about proper bath product tub space division. I lost and now live with my parents. Solve the little problems in life with this Mesh Pockets Shower Curtain. This along with the Moen curved shower rod, you could practically live in the bathroom!
I've finished my bottle of beer and there's 10 more minutes until the next commercial break.
Sure you could buy a mini-fridge and place it next to the couch, but that's crude and bad fing shu (it's the new fung shui). Man Tables, as they're called, disguise a refrigerating unit in a high quality crafted table. It comes in three different finishes and we think they're great for you fine ladies too.
from Man Tables
One side of my body gets more water pressure than the other side so only half of my body feels clean when I get out of the shower.
This tentacle-resembling shower head from Vado looks intimidating but enticing at the same time. What to do, what to do... with all SIX snaking shower heads? Perhaps one for each limb and the last one for the head. Or you can shower with five other people.
I like listening to NWA's Straight Outta Compton while falling asleep. My wife doesn't.
Ever try falling asleep with Grado headphones on? I did and I woke up with cauliflower ears! SleepPhones solves the first world problem for those of us who enjoy listening to music while dozing off. The fleece headband contains thin removable speakers so you can jam out to the Biebs before knocking out.
I watched some videos on my laptop and ...uh... accidentally made a mess on my keyboard.
Wherever you decide to make your mess, from doorknobs and walls to hotel remote controls, Cyber Clean's cleaning compound (say that 10 times fast) will clean that sucker up lickety split. The patented high-tech cleaning compound is effective at removing 99.99% of harmful particles. Which leaves the question WTF is in that 0.01%?
I drank too much juice before bed and had to wake up in the middle of the night to go potty.
Okay, before you think I'm totally insane, hear me out first. Do you enjoy getting up at 3:00 AM to pee? No? Wouldn't you rather just pee in the bed? Yes? Then I present to you the bedside urinal system. Logic and First World Living prevails once again.
My manly Ron Swanson mustache gets whipped cream in it when I drink my latte.
This isn't one of those silly mugs with a mustache print on it. This mug is for real hard mofos with real mustaches. The mustache shaped guard protects your manstache from getting soiled by whatever you're drinking. For classy soup connoisseurs, check out this mustache protecting spoon.
My wife's blamed me for losing the keys to the Land Rover when she knows I took the Hummer to work this morning.
Never lose or mix up your keys again while taking out your aggression by figuratively shoving your keys up your significant other's...nevermind. This unique couple's key holder comes with a key for each gender that you keep in your key ring. The keys then fits into the male or female forms.
First world living makes life easy but sometimes boring. I wish I could live in a fantasy world.
After a discussion with your friends about which fictional world you would live in, you go home and cry yourself to sleep because you know it'll never happen. You can at least pretend to be a wizard with this remote control wand. Change the channel with a flick or turn down the volume with a twist. Yer a wizard 'Arry!
Mob Wives has come on. I can't find the remote and I'm too lazy to get up to change the channel. I've sat through 6 episodes so far...
Most of the time we don't know where the remote is, but when was the last time you lost a big brown pillow? The obvious next step in this evolutionary process is to combine the two. This pillow remote control is the result of decades of pillow-remote mating and ain't it beautiful sight.
I like to do as many things possible laying down on my sofa or bed. I can watch TV and eat, but I have to get up to use the computer.
Spend more time in bed with this portable laptop bed tray. It's adjustable to a complete 360 degrees to fit to any body position you're in. We imagine iPads, tablets, food and drinks could also be placed on this so that's a big bonus!
I can drink beer whilst taking a shower with the Tub Mug, but what about when I take a bath?
Is a relaxing chai scented bubbly bubble bath not exciting enough for you? Feel the need to be eating a grilled cheese sandwich and sip on some wine while laying in 100 gallons of warm soothing water? Then check out Umbra's Bathtub Caddy, a foldable unit with areas for a book/Kindle/iPad and drinks.
My 1,000 thread count Egyptian bald eagle feather down pillow is so soft my entire head sinks in and gets too hot.
Before you throw out the pillow that put America's national bird back on the endangered species list, try adding a Chillow to it. It fits any regular sized pillows and keeps your pillow cool throughout the night. You can even stick it in the fridge for added cooling intensity.
So what if I like to keep all my mason jars? One day you're gonna be like, "Shit I need a mason jar, but I threw them all out. My friend Steve has tons, I'll call him." So stop calling me weird.
You've turned half your jars to portable travel mugs, now turn the other half into useful soap dispensers. Save money and put all those jars to good use. Or even use them as candles. Take that you jar haters!
My boss makes me write a reports. I can't believe I'm only getting paid 90k a year to do this crap.
Relax and take a deep breath. After work, we'll go to the doctor's and get a prescription for Xanax OK? Or we can try a more holistic approach and get one of these zen gardens for your desk. Staring at its lines and curves may lower stress and prevent a heart attack. Maybe we should have given one to Zombie Dick Cheney.
I have a romantic date tonight, but I don't have a fireplace to sip wine in front of like in the movies.
First world living means combining one of the most primitive technologies with the most modern. The Ponton Fireplace lets your bring one of nature's most powerful elements wherever you want. It burns completely safe bio-alcohol fuel that lasts 1.5-2.5 hours. For a more affordable but equally cool one, check out this one.
I forgot to pay my satellite TV bill and now I'm stuck with only 30 channels.
Never forget another payment to the companies that own our lives while classing it up at the same time with this handmade Wine Cork Bulletin Board. Pin up important documents, letters, bills, lists, keys, etc, while showing family and friends you know a lot about wine (you don't).
My forehead is sore from showing my friends how many cans I can crush with my head.
After showing off your machismo, show off your gadgetchismo by crushing the shit out of cans with the CAAAN RAAAAM. It acts as a nice reservoir for cans and a reminder of how much an alcoholic you are. Stores up to 10 cans before you need to activate the crushinator. Feels good man.
I took too long to finish my cereal and now it's all soggy.
This ingenious cereal bowl design separates the cereal from the milk, keeping your Fruit Loops crunchy forever. Just scoop a little cereal, then a little milk, sprinkle a little bacon and into your mouth it goes. The only thing bad about this is no after-cereal milk. The design is also great for things like salsa and chips, soup and crackers.
I want an aquarium, but I don't have enough room in the house for it.
Good news! Your coffee table is now an aquarium! "But, where's my coffee table gone?" you ask. Ah, that's the crazy part, my friend. The aquarium IS the coffee table! But how?! MAGIC!
from Appliances Con.
I spent the whole day stressing about if I've left a candle burning at home.
Instead of calling your neighbor Steve, who secretly goes through your underwear, to go check for you, just get this water candle kit. Fill any vase with water and decorate it however you like. Add a layer of cooking oil, float the wick on top and voila, you have a nice candle that will be put out if tipped over.
I loved Dr. Seuss as a kid and want to let everyone know I'm awesome.
The first thing I thought of when someone said "Dr. Seuss art" is taxidermy. Consequently, part art and part taxidermy equals 100% awesome, and that's what you would be if you owned one of these. It costs an arm and a leg, but boy would you have a nice discussion piece if you had this hanging up over your mantle.
from Art of Dr. Seuss
I fell asleep in Chem class. Now my neck hurts.
Show your professor his class is boring by strapping on the Arm Pillo. Stick it to the airline and show them that they can't keep you awake with their tortuous seats by strapping on the Arm Pillo and punching the CEO in the face. Let your friend know her car conversations are boring by strapping on the Arm Pillo to the seat belt and falling asleep. Am I missing anything?
My life is so exciting I wish someone like Morgan Freeman could narrate it.
We can't get Morgan Freeman, but we'll do you one better: Stephen Fry. And he'll just be waking you up but it's better than nothing! Instead of waking up to screeching and buzzing, wake up gently to Fry's soothing English voice. It comes with 130 different sayings AND one to put you to sleep.
I already have the Lighted Slippers, but I'm scared of ghosts and need more light for when I go for a midnight snack.
You're in luck because Boon Glo's Nightlight doubles as a weapon as you chuck it at the ghost of Larry King staring at you in the mirror while you pee. It comes in multiple colors, have no electronic parts in them, and don't get warm. Check it out!
I have ADD and can't stick with a book to read.
This bookcase chair or chair bookcase will satisfy you ADD tendencies and indecisiveness by having all your books always within arm's reach. The actual chair's angle is adjustable for different tasks and has three areas for book storage. Be the commander of your book club with this awesome chair.
from Yanko Design
I have to wait 5 minutes for water to boil for my "instant" ramen.
It kind of defeats the purpose of instant ramen if you have to boil or microwave water, right? You must have not read the directions on the ramen pack. The part that says you need to have the Zojirushi Water Boiler for instant hot water in order to have instant ramen. Duh! It keeps piping hot (up to 208F) water right at your fingertips.
My friends think I'm uncultured because I don't have artwork hanging in my house.
Slap your friends in the face by getting one of these super cool personalized waveform art pieces. Send them a sound file and they'll take the waveform to create a unique design printed on a high quality canvas. Now your friends will be in awe of the giant "PENIS" on the wall.
I lost my bottle opener and can't open my bottle and my hand hurts if I do it by hand.
Since you now have the Fridge Monkey, you need something open all those pretty bottles, right? Forget clunky bottle openers that get lost in the drawer void. This magnet just upgraded your fridge with the "Open Bottle" ability. Fridge, I choose you!
I haven't changed the batteries in the smoke detector for years, but I'm too lazy to check it.
I bet you'd pay more attention if your smoke detector was now a bird. Maybe you'd feed it and pet it. Maybe you'll even change its batteries every once in awhile. Hey, they're serious business and may save your life one day. This one is stylish and effective, with a 1.5 year battery life and 85db alarm signal.
I forgot to bring my adapter so I can't charge my iPad.
Forget about any Apple adapter and forget about adapters that charge through USB. Just have a bunch of these Belkin 6 Outlet Surge Protector with USBs around the home and office and never have to look for those silly adapters again. It comes with 6 outlets and 2 convenient USB ports at the top.
I have no more room in my fridge for bottles and/or they keep rolling around. How am I suppose to be as cool as Mr. Chi City with this travesty?
The Fridge Monkey is a very simple solution to a great problem. The picture is self explanatory as to how it works. Things we think can be stacked on the monkey: breadsticks, churros, freeze-pops, those old school plastic kool-aid bottles.
I'm laying down on the couch and can't reach the shrimp cocktail so I have to sit up.
With the Sofa Hanger and this Magnussen Wood Lift Top Table, you'll probably never have to move from the couch again. The top lifts up and comes to you instead of you having to bend across to reach something. Almost like having a robot servant table!
It's a quiet Friday night and I'm home alone with only a vacuum. I want to use it, but it doesn't suck hard enough to do anything.
It's time to upgrade to the newest and baddest, buddy. Dyson's brand new DC41 Animal Vacuum will suck the crap out of anything it touches. Its ball technology allows easy movement and turning for wherever you and your vacuum want to go to be alone.
I have Heated Slippers and a Heated Mattress Pad, but the room itself is still too frigid.
From the hater of all things with blades, techno wizard inventor billionaire, Sir James Dyson, is this fan-less heater. It heats the room faster than its competitors and projects heat further out. Its also safe with no visible heating elements. Use it without the heat as a blade-less fan too!
The ice melts too fast when I drink whiskey on the rocks, leaving me with watery whiskey.
You're already better than your friends because you drink whiskey and they drink Mike's Hard Lemonade. Now drink whiskey like a boss in front of them with this special glass. It's shaped to let the ball of ice (mold included) roll around the glass, chilling your drink faster with slower melting ice.
from Home Wet Bar