Remember back when you were just a wee little lad; when you had no responsibilities and the three things on your todo list for the day were: find worms, eat worms, and play with Steve from across the street?...(read more)
Look at the picture above you. Look at that beautiful glistening bacon grease. Look at that chewy rubbery bacon fat. Look at that crispity crisp bacon edge. If this doesn’t make your mouth water, then you might as well become a...(read more)
Every passing day brings us closer and closer to the 2012 Apocalypse as predicted by the Mayan who carved ‘December 21st, 2012′ and then quit his job because he was sick of it and wanted to be a DJ....(read more)
If there’s a robot that will walk the dog and wash your car at the same time, then you’ll probably see it here
That son of a bitch fly just landed on my freshly made tiramisu cake! Now I have to throw the whole thing away...
Look at that fly zipping around like he owns the place. Taunting you at every swipe you take and now you're out of breath because eating cake everyday is unhealthy for you. It's time to go terminator on Mr. Fly and bust a salt cap in his ass with your BUG-A-SALT!
from Bugasalt
I was eating saltines with rare Russian caviar while watching the latest torrented episode of Breaking Bad. Now there is an audible crunch whenever I press the letters "E," "R," and "L."
Research shows that our hands are dirtier than something real dirty, so who knows what's growing inside the depths of our keyboards. Logitech's Washable Keyboard is a must have for parents with teenage sons and everyone else.
from Amazon
I'm surrounded by bullshit all day from co-worker Steve to all the crap on TV.
It would be a much better world if everyone carried around this Bullshit Button and pressed it if the scent of bullshit penetrated the air. Let others know how you really feel about their stories and gossip. Or maybe send a few thousand boxes of these to Fox News HQ.
from Amazon.com
I let my beer sit too long and it's lost all its foamy goodness.
Wish you could always have beer that tastes like it just came straight out the tap, but don't want to pay 10 bucks for a pint? Check out this sweet mug that creates the perfectly poured beer every single time. Pour about half a mugs worth and hit the switch to create the perfect amount of foam. It's from Japan so of course there's a sweet video.
from Japan Trend Shop
Apple hasn't released a new product yet this year so I can't show how technologically savvy I am.
It's time to get your consumerism on cause the "New" iPad is coming. No longer continuing with the tradition numbering scheme, you can immediately see the differences with the "New" iPad. It's white or black with a screen and a button...but the biggest improvement is it comes with 20% less suicides!
from Apple
The TV remote still uses batteries so I have to go buy some like some technophobe from the 90s.
Why do disposable batteries still exist? It's bad for the environment and super expensive. But, if you're left with no choice, check out these USB rechargeable batteries. Super convenient and easy to use, just pop off the top and it becomes a USB device you can plug into your computer to recharge.
My friends make fun of me for carrying pepper spray on my keychain.
Look out brass knuckles cause we got a new bad boy in town and he's packin' 950,000 volts. The Knuckle Blaster Stun wears like tradition brass knuckles, but packs a little surprise with each hit. Send attackers (or previously mentioned friends) into shock as you uppercut then in the balls and prance away like a little girl.
I've got an ungodly craving for some Tagalongs, but the Girl Scouts aren't allowed to sell to my house anymore.
How were you suppose to know it was the Girl Scouts when you answered the door naked? They can't come to you, but now you can go to them with this this Girl Scout Cookie Finder app. An app that finds cookies for you... Tell me this isn't First World Living at its finest.
from iTunes App Store
They say fresh juice is healthier than store-bought, but I'm too lazy to do it.
Straight from the land of innovation, Gurefuru Chuchu acts as a super simple to use juicer while being super cute at the same time. Just cut a hole, stick Gurefuru Chuchu in, turn the handle around a bit, and bam - fresh juice. If you're still not convinced you need this, then I dare you to not watch this video.
I was responding to a text and ran into a light post. Everyone laughed at me.
This is one of those simple but genius ideas that should come with every smartphone, but doesn't. Fortunately, there's an app for that called Type n Walk. Avoided running into acquaintances you don't want to talk to, stepping on dog doo doo, babies, puddles, and more with this handy app. And it's less than a dollar!
I cut my finger on the hard, sharp base trying to get out the last drop of toothpaste.
The rich don't stay rich by wasting. This includes toothpaste and other things that come in tubes, like bacon frosting. Squeezeit is a simple little thing that keeps your tubes nice and neat while squeezing out every last drop. We suppose you'll get your money's worth after only 4 or so years!
Whilst intoxicated, I wandered into a dark corridor and was met with a man whose motives were questionable. Needless to say I feared for my life.
If I had a dollar for every time a would-be robber asked for my belt and I could have quickly pulled out a knife, I'd have zero dollars. But, this belt buckle knife still is an awesome idea to fend off potential attackers. Nothing is scarier than a man with a belt buckle knife and pants on the floor.
from Bowen Knife
A homeless man heard my pockets jingling after I told him I didn't have change. It was my keys.
We live in a modern world. There's no reason we should be keeping keys that access our expensive belongings on a flimsy metal rings that was probably invented 5,000 years ago. The Keyport consolidates up to 6 keys in a modern & sleek design. It even comes with a USB, LED, and bottle opener.
from Keyport
It takes me 10 minutes to walk from the Starbucks to my office, but only 6 minutes to finish my drink.
Motorized rollerskates? Who woulda thunk it. It seems we've leapfrogged the whole flying cars thing and at least one thing from those crazy 1920s predict the future articles has come true. They see you rollin', but you've zipped by too fast to hear them hatin'.
from spnKIX
My iPhone is about 100x better than my nav system, but there's no room for both of them.
We've all tried those pesky FM transmitters or AUX cables and charging docks that leave your console a tangled mess. Get rid of it all with this device that's been a long time coming. Dash fits into the stereo console and provides charging, radio, smartphone capabilities, interchangeable faceplates, and much more.
from Kickstarter
First world living makes life easy but sometimes boring. I wish I could live in a fantasy world.
After a discussion with your friends about which fictional world you would live in, you go home and cry yourself to sleep because you know it'll never happen. You can at least pretend to be a wizard with this remote control wand. Change the channel with a flick or turn down the volume with a twist. Yer a wizard 'Arry!
Mob Wives has come on. I can't find the remote and I'm too lazy to get up to change the channel. I've sat through 6 episodes so far...
Most of the time we don't know where the remote is, but when was the last time you lost a big brown pillow? The obvious next step in this evolutionary process is to combine the two. This pillow remote control is the result of decades of pillow-remote mating and ain't it beautiful sight.
I like to do as many things possible laying down on my sofa or bed. I can watch TV and eat, but I have to get up to use the computer.
Spend more time in bed with this portable laptop bed tray. It's adjustable to a complete 360 degrees to fit to any body position you're in. We imagine iPads, tablets, food and drinks could also be placed on this so that's a big bonus!
The neighborhood homeless man tried to talk to me. Now I have to take a different route to work.
The world is a scary place and you've heard the saying that people are inherently evil. Protect the all your credit cards and cash from that homeless man that asked you for some change, for he might one day rob you. This biometric wallet is virtually indestructible and only opens to your fingerprint. For a less expensive one.
from Dunhill
My friend had a chocolate fountain for the Super Bowl party this year. I'm hosting it next year and there's no way I can beat a chocolate fountain.
Chocolate fountains are great and very few things can beat it at a party. One thing that can, though, is homemade beer. Impress the shit out of your friends and family with "Steve's Micro Brew" from the far-away lands of Steve's basement and featuring Steve's special sauce.
from Etsy
I've been peer-pressured into going camping but haven't watched any of my DVRed Man vs. Wild.
You've heard the saying: 'I feel naked without my phone.' Well you're gonna be feeling naked with doo-doo all over your butt when you're out in the dark, dangerous wild when your iPhone runs out of juice. BioLite's Campstove burns off twigs instead of fuel and converts heat in electric energy so you can charge your devices.
from BioLite
When I charge too many gadgets at once, the wires get all tangled and look messy.
Brighten up your home or office with a little fake green grass. But hey, it also doubles as a charging station so it doesn't just take up space for nothing! Run your wires through the bottom and lay your iPhones on the soft surface for a neat and refreshing change.
I forgot which level I parked on and spent 30 minutes walking around looking for my car.
Was it level 3? Or 4? I think it was the one with the pink signs. Never have to deal with forgotten parking spots or backtracking again with this super easy to use Bushnell GPS BackTrack Personal Locator. It only has 2 buttons, one for marking a location, and the other to select and display the direction and distance back.
My forehead is sore from showing my friends how many cans I can crush with my head.
After showing off your machismo, show off your gadgetchismo by crushing the shit out of cans with the CAAAN RAAAAM. It acts as a nice reservoir for cans and a reminder of how much an alcoholic you are. Stores up to 10 cans before you need to activate the crushinator. Feels good man.
My hot dog is too hot so I have to wait. Now my bun is cold.
Anyone used to just eat the hot dog raw out of the pack? No? Maybe just me then. The hot dog juice was the best. Anyways, this cool retro hot dog and bun toaster will save you time and toast you the perfect hot dog. No more microwaving and getting those weird surface hot dog burns with hot as lava innards.
I have a master key, password, record, why don't I have a master tool in the kitchen?
Behold, from the same country that brought you the master tool Swiss army knife and Swatch, is this master opener. Smite down any pesky objects impeding you from its inner deliciousness. This multi-tool can open: cans, flip tops, screw tops, pull tabs, and can break the vacuum seal of screw jar tops.
Movie tickets cost $15, popcorn costs $10, and I'm watching Twilight: New Dawn 3. How am I going to get through this without alcohol?
Binoculars are for the most part innocuous. Unless you're seen with them around a playground or your ex-girlfriend's house, people will just think you're an avid bird-watcher. Little do they know you have 16oz. of whiskey you need to get you through the day.
I like to ride my vespa around everywhere, but people make fun of me cause it looks dorky.
Walking sucks and vespas make you look like a mall cop. Trade it in for this sweet looking all electric scooter. It gets whopping 40 miles on one charge and charges through a regular outlet. Taking it out on the streets gets you up to 35MPH or just zip around in your palace like a boss.
from Boxx Corp
I finished a box of donuts and want more, but I'm too embarrassed to show my face at Krispy Kreme twice in the same day.
Shame and embarrassment keeps us from doing some things we want to do. Sometimes it's for the better, but in this case it means no second box of donuts for you. Sad Face :(. Fortunately, money solves everything and you can just make donuts at home with the Sunbeam Donut Maker!
The Camping Card was a huge hit with my friends when we camped in my backyard. Now I need a more heavy duty set for public park camping.
Show you friends you mean business with this Everyday Carry Multi-Tool Kit. These small multiuse tools attaches to your keychain so they are always with you. Each tool is super durable and it comes with a pry bar, screwdriver key, waterproof lighter, and tweezers.
from Kaufmann Merc.
I've been working out and want to tell all my friends, but I don't want to brag.
Let Fitbit do all the bragging for you. "Yeah I ran 5 miles today. This thing I have tracks and uploads all my activity online so people can see. It's so embarrassing! I don't want everyone to know!" Fitbit Wireless Activity & Sleep Tracker will track steps, distance, and stairs with its 3d accelerometer. It also tracks how well you sleep!
My life is so exciting I wish someone like Morgan Freeman could narrate it.
We can't get Morgan Freeman, but we'll do you one better: Stephen Fry. And he'll just be waking you up but it's better than nothing! Instead of waking up to screeching and buzzing, wake up gently to Fry's soothing English voice. It comes with 130 different sayings AND one to put you to sleep.
from ThinkGeek
I want to show my friends a video of a fat squirrel stuck in a bird feeder, but my iPhone screen is too small for everyone to see.
Be the life of the party with this Pico Projector. It not only works with iPods/iPhones/etc, but also with digital cameras, portable DVD players, and more. Imagine showing up to a party and busting this out and showing everyone your favorite cat vid. The ladies will be on you in no time!
The last few gulps of my coffee are always stronger and sweeter than the rest of the coffee.
We've gone and come back from the moon, built the Large Hadron Collider, gave Glenn Beck his own show, we shouldn't have to stir our own drinks like some sort of criminal. This self-stirring mug makes sure your beverage is always mixed thoroughly with a touch of a button. It comes with a 4000RMP motor and splash-proof lid!
I made too much spaghetti and now have to look at the wet, flippy floppy, limp, left-over spaghetti I can't eat. Gross!
Never make the wrong amount of spaghetti or noodly doodly base dish with this cool spaghetti measuring tool. It has slots for different portions (adult male, female, child, and HORSE!) so you'll know how much spaghetti a real person can eat. I personally enjoy just the horse's head portion.
from reykjavik store
Sometimes I daydream about being James Bond and having all his cool gadgets.
Step 1 to becoming a super spy: get WiFi hotspot capable cufflinks with 2GB USB storage so you can check Facebook wherever you are. Step 2: there is no step two because you're now a man with WiFi with storage cufflinks. Now get ready to go kick some ass and get some international model babes.
from Brookstone
My laptop screen is too small to play Starcraft and watch Jersey Shore at the same time.
That sounds like a real situation you got right there. Fortunately, the creators of the Spacebook Dual 17inch LCD Laptop had you in mind when they were building it. Now, imagine showing up in a Starbucks with this badass and playing Microsoft Pinball while the hipsters rage on their 9in Macbook Pros.
from GScreenLaptop
I already have the Lighted Slippers, but I'm scared of ghosts and need more light for when I go for a midnight snack.
You're in luck because Boon Glo's Nightlight doubles as a weapon as you chuck it at the ghost of Larry King staring at you in the mirror while you pee. It comes in multiple colors, have no electronic parts in them, and don't get warm. Check it out!
I lost my bottle opener and can't open my bottle and my hand hurts if I do it by hand.
Since you now have the Fridge Monkey, you need something open all those pretty bottles, right? Forget clunky bottle openers that get lost in the drawer void. This magnet just upgraded your fridge with the "Open Bottle" ability. Fridge, I choose you!
from Charles&Marie
I haven't changed the batteries in the smoke detector for years, but I'm too lazy to check it.
I bet you'd pay more attention if your smoke detector was now a bird. Maybe you'd feed it and pet it. Maybe you'll even change its batteries every once in awhile. Hey, they're serious business and may save your life one day. This one is stylish and effective, with a 1.5 year battery life and 85db alarm signal.
It's a quiet Friday night and I'm home alone with only a vacuum. I want to use it, but it doesn't suck hard enough to do anything.
It's time to upgrade to the newest and baddest, buddy. Dyson's brand new DC41 Animal Vacuum will suck the crap out of anything it touches. Its ball technology allows easy movement and turning for wherever you and your vacuum want to go to be alone.
I have Heated Slippers and a Heated Mattress Pad, but the room itself is still too frigid.
From the hater of all things with blades, techno wizard inventor billionaire, Sir James Dyson, is this fan-less heater. It heats the room faster than its competitors and projects heat further out. Its also safe with no visible heating elements. Use it without the heat as a blade-less fan too!
Now that I use f.lux, my eyes don't hurt when staring at my monitor at night, but I can't see my keyboard too well.
Mantis is a pretty sweet looking clip-on LED light that runs on batteries (30 hours). It clips on wherever to wherever you need it to and it also transforms into a light stand for when you need it by itself.
from Quirky
I bought too much groceries and have to make another trip back to the car.
The consecutive trips back to the car has been man's nemesis since the dawn of humankind. Many men have fallen trying to carry all the bags at once. It's time to rise up against this great evil and buy the Bag Mate Handle Carrier. If you're strong enough, it holds up to 70lbs and you will never make a second trip to the car again.
I'm too lazy to untie my shoes so I just smash my feet in like a savage.
Why we don't have automatically tying shoelaces is beyond me. But, in the meantime just use a shoe horn. Stick this thing in the back of your shoe and easily slide your feet in. No more damaged backsides or tying shoelaces. For those too lazy to even bend over: a super long shoe horn.
My fingers get stiff and ache after 8 hours of pwning 8 year olds in BF3.
Strap on this baby between intense gaming sessions to give your hands and fingers a much needed stretch. The Xtensor also makes your reaction time faster while relieving cramps. And its an effective treatment for tennis elbow and arthritis!
I'm late for a full day of classes and forgot to brew a new pot of coffee. FML
These days, we want everything better, faster, stronger, smarter. Well, the AeroPress Coffee will punch you in the face with burning hot coffee if you let it. But really, it just makes really good coffee and espressos really really fast. How fast? How about 1 minute for delicious fresh coffee? Fast enough for ya?
My bed is so comfortable with all the crap this site has convinced me buy, it's now even harder to wake up in the morning.
Everyone has an alarm clock. How about one that makes you do math problems to shut it off? SCREW THAT. I'm not doing math. How about an alarm clock that knows your sleep patterns and wakes you in your lightest sleep phase? WHOA! This App for iOS devices does just that.
The entire office now knows I like Justin Beiber because YouTube keeps freakin' autoplaying videos!!!
Add one more item to the list that helps you procrastinate in secrecy. Stop Autoplay for Youtube is a Chrome browser plug-in that does just that, while allowing the video to buffer. For Firefox users. For IE users, get Google Chrome.
from Chrome Web Store
I watch Parks and Rec and wish I was a manly man like Ron Swanson. Maybe if I could make homemade jerky...
Oh this jerky? No, I didn't buy it. I made it myself. With a gun. Yeah that's right. I make my own jerky with a gun. The Weston Jerky Gun makes making jerky easy so you can impress your friends. Just watch this video and start making your own jerky. JERKY!
