Remember back when you were just a wee little lad; when you had no responsibilities and the three things on your todo list for the day were: find worms, eat worms, and play with Steve from across the street?...(read more)
Look at the picture above you. Look at that beautiful glistening bacon grease. Look at that chewy rubbery bacon fat. Look at that crispity crisp bacon edge. If this doesn’t make your mouth water, then you might as well become a...(read more)
Every passing day brings us closer and closer to the 2012 Apocalypse as predicted by the Mayan who carved ‘December 21st, 2012′ and then quit his job because he was sick of it and wanted to be a DJ....(read more)
I was so focused on the video game I forgot to drink my beer. Now it's all warm.
Count this as your newest addition to your theoretical man-cave. This classic looking gaming cabinet hides an ace up it's coin slot by having built in beer tap. Never have to worry about dehydration from intense gaming session as the draft system is just an arms-reach away.
from Arkeg
My buddies and I went hunting and they all killed something for mounting except me.
Bear and tiger head mounts are for wimps. If I'm going to have a trophy, it's going to be of a real mother effin dead person. Talk about of discussion starter! Buy it for only 100 grand and start thinking of a cool story of how you kidnapped and put him on a remote island and started hunting him like game.
from Plastination Prod.
I've been watching reruns of Pimp My Ride and now want something inside the same larger thing.
How about a tiny house inside your house? The guys at Tumbleweed Tiny House Company sell ready made, kits, or plans of houses small enough that you don't need a permit to build. Use it as your bedroom or mancave or secret hideout in the woods where you kidnap and murder people or whatever.
from Tumbleweed
Apple hasn't released a new product yet this year so I can't show how technologically savvy I am.
It's time to get your consumerism on cause the "New" iPad is coming. No longer continuing with the tradition numbering scheme, you can immediately see the differences with the "New" iPad. It's white or black with a screen and a button...but the biggest improvement is it comes with 20% less suicides!
from Apple
So apparently green rug and brown walls with movie posters taped up with scotch tape makes people puke as they enter my home.
You've made a huge mistake so next time just go with a prefabricated and furnished home by Ideabox and IKEA. Doesn't everyone think everything in IKEA would look good in their own home anyways? Might as well just have them furnish it.
from Ideabox
Playing World of Warcraft for 20 hours straight kinda makes my back hurt.
What are these things called chairs and desks? Why are we still using them? A flat piece of wood you sit on, then another piece of wood you put stuff on...how primitive. It's time get with the times with... the *explosions* Emperor Workstation! Pretend you're in the matrix while playing Words with Friends on Facebook!
from mwelab
My boarding gate was too far and I almost missed my flight to the Bahamas.
People are already boarding and you're still buying your duty free cartons of cigarettes. But, you're not worried at all because you have the Samsonite Micro Luggage with attached scooter. You stuff your crap into the carry-on-able luggage and scoot on down to the gate, not forgetting to hit the "human conveyor belt" for super-speed.
from Amazon.com
I've finished my bottle of beer and there's 10 more minutes until the next commercial break.
Sure you could buy a mini-fridge and place it next to the couch, but that's crude and bad fing shu (it's the new fung shui). Man Tables, as they're called, disguise a refrigerating unit in a high quality crafted table. It comes in three different finishes and we think they're great for you fine ladies too.
from Man Tables
One side of my body gets more water pressure than the other side so only half of my body feels clean when I get out of the shower.
This tentacle-resembling shower head from Vado looks intimidating but enticing at the same time. What to do, what to do... with all SIX snaking shower heads? Perhaps one for each limb and the last one for the head. Or you can shower with five other people.
from ShowerMania
It takes me 10 minutes to walk from the Starbucks to my office, but only 6 minutes to finish my drink.
Motorized rollerskates? Who woulda thunk it. It seems we've leapfrogged the whole flying cars thing and at least one thing from those crazy 1920s predict the future articles has come true. They see you rollin', but you've zipped by too fast to hear them hatin'.
from spnKIX
My iPhone is about 100x better than my nav system, but there's no room for both of them.
We've all tried those pesky FM transmitters or AUX cables and charging docks that leave your console a tangled mess. Get rid of it all with this device that's been a long time coming. Dash fits into the stereo console and provides charging, radio, smartphone capabilities, interchangeable faceplates, and much more.
from Kickstarter
I get the urge to climb up a slippery wall whenever I go swimming.
You already can play pool in a pool, so why not go rock climbing at the same time also? AquaClimb can be attached to any poolside and includes handles that can be rotated 90 degrees to increase difficulty. Perfect for young children, especially under the age of 5.
from Opulent Items
The neighborhood homeless man tried to talk to me. Now I have to take a different route to work.
The world is a scary place and you've heard the saying that people are inherently evil. Protect the all your credit cards and cash from that homeless man that asked you for some change, for he might one day rob you. This biometric wallet is virtually indestructible and only opens to your fingerprint. For a less expensive one.
from Dunhill
My friend had a chocolate fountain for the Super Bowl party this year. I'm hosting it next year and there's no way I can beat a chocolate fountain.
Chocolate fountains are great and very few things can beat it at a party. One thing that can, though, is homemade beer. Impress the shit out of your friends and family with "Steve's Micro Brew" from the far-away lands of Steve's basement and featuring Steve's special sauce.
from Etsy
I forgot to pack my $500 Armani sweatpants and left them in the hotel room.
You've lost over $10,000 worth of items by forgetting them in hotels and you're starting to think maybe the affair isn't worth it anymore. We're here to stop you from thinking such silly thoughts. Never unpack again with this luggage. Hang it up and it unfolds with all your stuff neatly inside. Also makes for a fast getaway if need be.
from Hammacher
The apocalypse is coming this year. How am I suppose to live a first world life with the world blowing up?
While people are digging through the dirt looking for bugs to eat, you'll be living like a king in your underground bunker with Shelf Reliance's 1 year food supply (for 1 person). It has a shelf life of 25 years and provides a whopping 4,866 servings. Or trade a can of peas for an Apocalyptic manicure.
from Costco
I have a romantic date tonight, but I don't have a fireplace to sip wine in front of like in the movies.
First world living means combining one of the most primitive technologies with the most modern. The Ponton Fireplace lets your bring one of nature's most powerful elements wherever you want. It burns completely safe bio-alcohol fuel that lasts 1.5-2.5 hours. For a more affordable but equally cool one, check out this one.
from Charles&Marie
I like to ride my vespa around everywhere, but people make fun of me cause it looks dorky.
Walking sucks and vespas make you look like a mall cop. Trade it in for this sweet looking all electric scooter. It gets whopping 40 miles on one charge and charges through a regular outlet. Taking it out on the streets gets you up to 35MPH or just zip around in your palace like a boss.
from Boxx Corp
I want an aquarium, but I don't have enough room in the house for it.
Good news! Your coffee table is now an aquarium! "But, where's my coffee table gone?" you ask. Ah, that's the crazy part, my friend. The aquarium IS the coffee table! But how?! MAGIC!
from Appliances Con.
I loved Dr. Seuss as a kid and want to let everyone know I'm awesome.
The first thing I thought of when someone said "Dr. Seuss art" is taxidermy. Consequently, part art and part taxidermy equals 100% awesome, and that's what you would be if you owned one of these. It costs an arm and a leg, but boy would you have a nice discussion piece if you had this hanging up over your mantle.
from Art of Dr. Seuss
I ate a huge dinner and now I'm too sleepy to walk my dog.
See, what you do is get one of these Fit Fur Life Treadmills, put it in front of your 90inch LCD TV, turn on the nature channel, put your dog on the treadmill, and crank it up to a nice jogging pace. Your pet won't know the difference and will have the time of its life while you lay down and become one with the sofa.
from Fit Fur Life
My laptop screen is too small to play Starcraft and watch Jersey Shore at the same time.
That sounds like a real situation you got right there. Fortunately, the creators of the Spacebook Dual 17inch LCD Laptop had you in mind when they were building it. Now, imagine showing up in a Starbucks with this badass and playing Microsoft Pinball while the hipsters rage on their 9in Macbook Pros.
from GScreenLaptop
I have ADD and can't stick with a book to read.
This bookcase chair or chair bookcase will satisfy you ADD tendencies and indecisiveness by having all your books always within arm's reach. The actual chair's angle is adjustable for different tasks and has three areas for book storage. Be the commander of your book club with this awesome chair.
from Yanko Design
It's a quiet Friday night and I'm home alone with only a vacuum. I want to use it, but it doesn't suck hard enough to do anything.
It's time to upgrade to the newest and baddest, buddy. Dyson's brand new DC41 Animal Vacuum will suck the crap out of anything it touches. Its ball technology allows easy movement and turning for wherever you and your vacuum want to go to be alone.
I have Heated Slippers and a Heated Mattress Pad, but the room itself is still too frigid.
From the hater of all things with blades, techno wizard inventor billionaire, Sir James Dyson, is this fan-less heater. It heats the room faster than its competitors and projects heat further out. Its also safe with no visible heating elements. Use it without the heat as a blade-less fan too!
You know, sometimes I just want to play pool in a pool, but even I know that is stupid.
Yo, we got you here at First World Living. We heard you liked playing pool in a pool so we put a pool table in a pool so you can play pool in the pool son! It's waterproof obviously and pretty silly.
Walking down Wall St. is getting a bit hairy. These OWS kids are starting to get a little rowdy and I fear for my safety.
If you really don't deserve to be shot in the face, then check this out. Miguel Caballero makes fashionable and discreet bulletproof clothing out of Columbia. Some clients include Kings, Presidents, and Steven Seagal so you know you'll be in good hands with this polo shirt.
from Fresh Polos
